Are you still grieving for your mum after her death?
Some people tell me that their mum has died and that they dread Mothers Day. Is that you? Are you expecting that it will be an emotionally difficult day for you? Thoughts and feeling s about Mothers Day might make you feel sad, anxious or guilty and it may stop you from doing the things that you would like to do. Anniversaries and national days can bring back sad memories and that feeling of loss. But it doesn't have to be that way. Over time you can find ways to feel better.
If you have lost your mum I want you to know that you are not alone as many people dread Mothers Day. I'm sorry that you are feeling sad, but today I would like to give you a 7 tips on how you can get another perspective on your loss.
Talk to someone
If people don't know how you are feeling they may avoid talking about your mother. If you need someone to really listen, empathise and help you through your grief then a bereavement counsellor can help. If you are having health issues speak to your doctor.
Decide to celebrate your mother's life
It can be difficult, but deciding to be happy on Mothers Day and do happy things that might give you a purpose are worth considering. How about having a party to celebrate mum's life, going out to a place that she liked or doing something that is fun.
Plan to go out and exercise
You could go for a walk, meet some good friends and family or go to the gym. Any way that you can increase your activity will be good.
Set aside a time to grieve
This could be a short time in the day when you are going to think about everything related to the loss of your mum. During this time, lets say an hour, you may cry, you may feel angry that she isn't around or many other emotions might come to the surface. After your allocated time tell yourself that you will feel better and do something that you will enjoy. Choose to be happier.
Give to someone
If you know of a mother who has lost their child offer to take them out or give them something for Mothers Day. Give to a charity that you or your mum would support. Give your time to something that you find worthwhile. Give to other members of your family who may also be grieving.
Write a journal
This could be a diary of how you are feeling as getting your thoughts and feelings down on paper helps you to get the thoughts out of your head and feel better.
Make a memory area in your house
This could be pictures of your mum with beautiful flowers on a table. You could put a photo in a photo frame and put it on the wall. You could also do something a bit more creative like write a poem about your mum, write a story about her or paint a picture of her. You might even feel that lighting a candle can help.
So from today make yourself a promise that you will try to look at Mothers Day from a different perspective.
Linda is a bereavement counsellor offering face to face, telephone and online bereavement counselling